


Qualified

by lemonfizzies



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Battle Royale Fusion, Angst, Bonding, Character Turned Into a Ghost, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Mild Gore, Minor Magnus Burnsides/Taako, More to be added as fic progresses, Past Relationship(s), Post-Episode: e067-069 Story and Song Parts 1-3, Science Fiction & Fantasy, a bit of self-insert shenanigans, and good old fashioned skull-smashing, this happens durin that vacation Griffin mentioned Taako and Kravitz were gonna take
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2018-12-31 13:26:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12133476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonfizzies/pseuds/lemonfizzies
Summary: Taako finds his romatic getaway with Kravitz is interrupted when he is selected as a Qualifier in an inter-planar battle royale. In order to return home, he must be the last man standing. Unfortunately, all 200 contestants have that exact same game plan.Ready, steady, fight!!!!





	1. Welcome

Taako leaned into the veranda wall, amicable expression dropping to one of worry.  
_“Is Taako available? I’ve been getting some real strange readings between the planes and –_  
_“Hey, Lucas, tell me: are they coming from our plane?”_  
_“T-Taako! What do you -- ?”_  
_“The readings, whatever. Are they hitting the astral plane?”_  
_“Well, no, not yet, but they mi –“_  
Taako had hung up immediately, not wanting to hear it, not wanting to be dragged away from the “vacation” promised by Kravitz, but now it was all he could think of.  
Taako thought he’d be better off with a break, with time to adjust, but he was beginning to realize the tremor in his bones would never fade, his nerves would never settle. With the Tres Horny Boys disbanded and Lup busy with Barry as usual, he felt himself drifting further and further from his new boyfriend. He wasn't used to the lack of danger. With Lup, he had kept constant, rotating vigilance. With the Bureau of Balance, even more so -- he took up the work of two.  
He knew it was over. Knew he should be over it but the scars and memories ran deeper than any reassurance of safety -- so deep that Lup herself hadn't been able to assuage the nightmares plaguing him night after night.  
Speak of the devil...Taako was on the veranda because Magnus had died.  
Not peacefully, like he remembered, but senselessly, violently, and by Taako's own hand. In the latest trip through his subconscious playground, Taako had been trapped in a single room with a single task: Three people inside, only two can leave alive. Magnus, in a way that was so, so like him yet fundamentally wrong, had run for the door. Lup grabbed him by the belt, the shirt, the arm, shouting for him to stop and just think about it! They could all find a way out together, she was sure, she just needed to explain, and for him to just WAIT, but he grabbed her hair and slammed her into the floor with one swift motion, splitting open her forehead before she went limp. Taako screamed. Magnus was lit aflame, bombarded, eviscerated, and then some. Taako tried to stop unnecessary spells as they came tumbling out his mouth, faster and faster, but the more he focused, the more he realized he was not standing in his body. He was slightly behind and to the left, unable to stop the visceral hatred and fear from spilling out his umbra staff. Some disconnected creature, clothed in Taako's skin and still firing off spell after spell, turned to meet his eyes. They were empty, glowing with dark energy, and Taako had jolted awake immediately.  
On the veranda, looking out over the lake of the dead, he watched wayward souls dance around the shores.  
"Taako?"  
Kravitz stood in the doorway, hesitant in all the ways you'd never expect a grim reaper to be. Taako turned his head, an elfish grin creeping onto his face.  
"Eyy, what's cookin' good-lookin?" He winked, over-exaggerated and dramatic, eliciting a chuckle from Kravitz. The reaper crossed the empty space, joining Taako at the edge of the veranda and wrapping his arms around the elf from behind.  
Taako wished he felt safe. Instead, he felt...nearly suffocated...  
"Hey, uh...babe?" He hesitated just a moment too long, Kravitz removed his arms with a look of worry.  
"Yes, what's wrong?" He asked, searching his boyfriend's face for answers. Taako suddenly found that he couldn't look the man in the eye. Couldn't look anywhere, really, his eyes raking across empty middle-distance, desperate for an anchorable point.  
Somewhere behind his soon-to-be-ex, Taako caught sight of a twist, a bend in the air. A bend that rippled out, unnervingly fast, so that Taako stumbled back in an attempt to outpace it. A moment later, a crack echoed in Taako's ears. All he could hear over the subsequent ringing was a very muffled and enthusiastic, "We've got one!"  
Kravitz was reaching out to close the distance between them, mouth moving and body dissolving to its usual skeleton form as he assumed the worst. Taako clutched his ears, tears threatening to spill so he refused to blink.  
The world shattered, a kaleidoscope tilted, and 100 Kravitzes reached out towards a disoriented Taako before the latter was grabbed from behind.  
The astral plane fell to pieces as he was yanked away, Kravitz frozen in place, Taako left staring at fragments of his own back.  
His DarkVision allowed him to see that a mirror had been destroyed, but as he turned to face the responsible party, he found himself assaulted by two humans wearing what looked like flexible metal armor. The ground was shaking beneath his feet. A metal cuff was clamped to his wrist. Before Taako could discern their faces, his abductors were gone. Only the loud rumble remained, and the dark did not clear. Without his Darkvision, Taako would be helpless. Not that there was much to see. Metal walls, four, and a ceiling he couldn't see. Metal floor that crackled when he shifted.  
The wall opposite Taako began to rise, a strip of light appearing along the floor, and the rumble could now be identified as a drumroll. The wall slid all the way up, docking into place and bathing Taako in a blinding spotlight. The crowd roared with deafening applause as 199 other, identical walls slid into place.  
**_"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, giiiive it up for this year's Quaaaaaaaaaaaalifierrrrrsss!!!!"_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this is just an intro chapter to get the stage set and the plot hyped. U know, standard Prologue fare. Next week: that good shit (but trust me...all of this is set up for a reason)


	2. Round 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako scrambles to find a partner before the match begins, and gets caught up in a rather powerful trio of teens...but you know what they say about fourth wheels!

Taako took a half-step into the light, hesitated, then stepped back into the safety of the metal room. He didn't know where he was or what was happening but he knew that it couldn't end well if he started roaming blind and unarmed.

 _"Oh my, what's this? Ladies and gentlemen, I think some of our Qualifiers have stage fright! Shall we give them a few minutes?"_ The spotlight faded as the same voice boomed out -- a ringmaster cajoling their audience. Beyond the dark spots in his vision, Taako thought he could see a circular expanse of green -- an arena? A field?

A chorus of boos and jeers erupted from beyond the doorway. As if on cue, the floor began shaking violently. Taako reached out to brace himself. The moment his wrist hit the wall, a red-hot jolt of electricity shot up through his arm and he yelped, scrambling away. Moving towards the broken mirror, the burning intensified. The only way left was out and so, without any of his usual consideration, Taako rushed in.

The crowd cheered as several humanoids staggered out from slots in the wall. Late arrivals. Taako, apparently, was among of them as he made his way to the crowd already huddled in the center of a circular, brightly-lit stadium. And what a stadium it was.

Through an enormous glass dome, Taako gazed up at what he could only assume to be stars (though he recognized no constellations). An outer ring of tiered seating hosted thousands of wildly enthusiastic spectators. Taako thought he'd seen it all during his time with the IPI crew but there were races here that even an elf-turned-cosmonaut could never hope to dream up. A purple, translucent field separated the spectators from the main arena, extending all the way from arena floor to ceiling in a perfect dome. A quick glance confirmed the slots nested behind the purple field, set into a metal wall on the perimeter. The panels were sliding down and, once they shut, there would be no return. Taako wasn't even halfway to the center when the voice -- he dubbed it Ringmaster -- boomed out once again.

_"Tell me, folks, are you ready to see some blood??? Some guuuuuts?? Some uuuuppercuuuuuutss????"_

Ringmaster riled up the spectators like one would hype an audience before a concert, the spectators becoming more frenzied with each suggestion until the arena went suddenly dark. Spotlights spun wildly before settling on the crowd in the center. Taako was left in shadows, several meters away.

 _"Blame Hyperion, but I'm just ecstatic to be refereeing this particular team. Magic vs. Tech vs. Superpowers, that age-old dilemna. Let's finally see who'd come out on top in a knock-down, drag-out fight to the end! Whaddya say, Qualifiers, are you ready for the time of your godforsaken lives?"_ With that, a hush fell over the spectators and the buzz in center field rose to a clamor.

"Hey, uh, what the fuck!" One solitary voice broke the mold and a cacophony of questions shouts, pleas, and expletives came spilling after it, with the fringes of the crowd becoming violent. A few had come armed and now, to Taako's horror, began firing blindly into the dark. He dove for the ground as shots rang out in the empty space, sending ripples across the purple field. Some kind of barrier? Taako wasn't sure, nor did he particularly care. Eventually, as he lay there, shaking, face down in the plastic turf, they tapered off.

There was a long silence. Too long. When Ringmaster spoke again, Taako's blood curdled.

_"Assaulting the referee? Red card."_

Twenty or so figures collapsed immediately. The others could not make them rise again. This time, no one shouted.

 _"That brings our total to....176!"_   Ringmaster's voice dripped with honeyed malice, " _As for the rest of you, pair up!"_

The cuff on Taako's wrist let out a beep and tightened dramatically. He cursed and shook his hand, trying to loosen the device or, at the very least, alleviate the subsequent throbbing in his hand.

"Uh, hey, it's Taako, right?" Someone behind him hesitated before adding a rushed, "from TV?"

"Uh, yeah? That's -- what on **earth** you wearing??" Taako responded mostly on instinct, turning to face the owner of the voice. It was a human, only about chest-high, who looked like today was their first time getting dressed alone. They laughed at Taako's exclamation, too loud for the occasion. A two-tone, zigzag-striped hoodie hung loosely over a pair of black leggings flecked with what looked like white paint. The hoodie, to Taako's dismay, was a ghastly shade of green that nearly matched the turf.

"This is camo, my man! I'm Bev, by the way No, wait," they glanced up and let out a quiet laugh. "Beck? Beth? Bev. Any of those'll work, tee bee aechsh."

"Well, alright then, Bev. Mucho gusto and all that." If Taako hadn't been suspicious enough already, he was now, and took a step back. They didn't seem to notice his suspicion, or else didn't acknowledge it, and began rubbing their hands together nervously.

"Oh, hey, uh, they're about to start the matches, so, I mean, like, you're still  pretty good at fuckin' people up, right?"

Taako must've done a shit job at hiding his shock because Bev began backpedaling a mile a minute.

"Not that you need to! I mean, push comes to shove, I could take out everyone in one go. I'm...no offense, but this isn't my first orbit 'round the system," They laughed again though Taakko found none of it funny, "but seriously, what's your game? I can work around whatev--"

"Stop, stop, shut up, hold it!" Taako's voice rose a level as he cut in, shaking his head furiously, "Could you take me through that one more time?? But change the part where I end up partnered with a fuckin murdere--"

_"Qualifiers, face your partners!"_

"No! No, no, that's new, I don't -- uggghh!" Bev was horrified as Ringmaster's voice came booming across the stadium, effectively ending the brewing argument. They backed away from Taako, banging their forehead with the palm of their hand and letting out a frustrated shout. Taako felt his stomach drop as he realized, for the first time, that he had no wand or weapon.

"Don't die!" Bev snapped, pointing aggressively at Taako even as they half-jogged towards the crowd in the center arena. Taako was left alone, on the fringes, without a partner.

In the wake of Ringmaster's command was a long hesitation. People looked at each other to ask, without words, is this really going to happen? Bev said not to die...what did they know that he didn't? Taako backed all the way to the hazy barrier, figuring the further he kept from the center arena, the better. There were others here, on the edge, where a preemptive ceasefire was drawn and sealed with a series of nods and crossed arms. Not a team, everyone understood, but a council. The group spoke in hushed voices, speeding towards their own foregone conclusions, not bothering to explain across what Taako recognized as a multiverse gap.

"Looking Glasses are ancient tech. 56th century? Tertiary Earth. 237-C, for sure? Didn't get a close enough look at the model but what are the odds it catches me twice? It's been upgraded, oh, definitely." A pair of twins alternated between speaking in unison and finishing off each others' sentences -- an unsettling feat when achieved seamlessly. Two scruffy young men clad in jeans and red flannel, identical in every way, back to back and arm-in-arm. An unfamiliar knowledge sparked in their eyes and they struggled to hide matching smiles.

"Hey, slow down, not all of us are -- look, teleportation on this scale would require a massive group effort! We can't reverse it, not without assistance." A small elf woman with bright purple hair and the robes of a noble stepped forward, still holding tight to the hand of of her blonde partner.

"Forget about that! Is nobody gonna talk about the fact that 24 people just DIED?" A teenaged boy piped up, nervously tucking as much of his waist-length hair into a pink baseball cap as he could -- which wasn't much. Two others, about the same age, flanked him on both sides. The one on the left had pulled the brim of a comically large stetson low over his eyes. The heaving of the boy's shoulders explained the tears staining his shirt.

"Yeah, speaking of, I just lost my **goddamn** **buddy** , so, I mean, what do I even do?" Taako cut in, as it was apparent there was no mediator. And besides, he was growing increasingly anxious. If this was some sort of contest, he'd be at a disadvantage and, worse, might be on the other end of a red card disqualification. Unnervingly, those fallen still hadn't been moved.

Baseball Cap caught Taako's eye and the tow-headed, taller boy on his right had to place a hand on his shoulder to break the glare. Setson lifted his brim to scan Taako with red-rimmed eyes.  Taako stepped a ways back, distancing himself from the trio.

_"Take your marks!"_

As Taako backed away, panels slid open in the turf to reveal a stash of weapons in every precious material: gold, steel, obsidian, bronze, stone, lead, and more Taako couldn't place at a glance. It seemed these panels were sliding open all across the arena as people jumped and sidestepped to avoid falling in.

The Twins now possessed a quarterstaff and a mace, respectively. The teen boys didn't go for weapons, merely getting into some sort of predetermined formation. Stetson brought his hands together with a clap before slowly pulling apart his palms, now crackling with volatile energy. The tow-headed boy flicked his wrist and bright spots of burning light began dancing around his hand. Taako didn't recognize the type of magic, but he felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise. Baseball Cap did nothing, only moved to shove his hands in his pockets.

_"READY!"_

Was this a fight? A contest?! Taako grabbed a wooden axe handle and cracked it over his knee, extracting a splintered piece to use as a makeshift wand. Across the arena, Qualifiers picked their poison. Weapon, magic, or something unseen, every man woman and child in the arena did, in fact, take their marks. Surprisingly efficient. Natural. Taako realized that, without a partner, he had no area on which to focus. He had to look everywhere, cover his own back, and the sheer number of people in this arena was overwhelming. They all couldn't really be expected to kill each other, could they? And who's to say who would be attacking first? Go for the throat or wait for them to come to you? Was it possible to sneak around unnoticed?

Taako's hand shook, and he felt the rough edges of the wooden flat digging into his palm. This wouldn't do for long. None of this would do for long.

The ludicrous nature of his situation suddenly dawned on Taako in those final seconds. This was supposed to be a vacation with his boyfriend. Actually, Taako shook his head as if to shake off that old idea, just with Kravitz. They wouldn't work out, anyways, Taako felt it in his bones. He couldn't bear to watch it fall apart slowly, so -- well, it didn't matter now. Here he was. A wizard with a jerry-rigged wand, in an arena full of strangers from different planes, about to fight for.....well, Taako couldn't remember being told. Were any of them told? Seemed like everyone just agreed on the unspoken assumption that there was a battle to be won.

_"STEADY!"_

To the alarm of the Qualifiers, the ground began to sink...but they did not.

Taako recognized this feeling from years aboard the Starblaster, and instinctively reached for the still-open turf panel. Others weren't so lucky. Killing was delayed as everyone failed to adjust to the now-active antigravity chamber -- including the group of teenage boys nearby. Most of the "council" had disbanded, now a fair distance away from each other, but the boys hadn't moved an inch.

"Mar!" Stetson shouted, electric palms sparking violently as he panicked, unable to grab onto anything within reach. Luckily, ~~Baseball Cap~~ Mar was already in motion, tossing aside his cap and grinning like a madman. A minor shockwave blasted out from where he stood, just barely encompassing Taako along with his two friends. The weightless sensation that accompanied zero-grav chambers dissipated, and all four crashed to the floor. The boys didn't seem to notice Taako, too caught up in each other.

"Wipe tha smirk off yer face, Tari! Damn near tryin' ta kill me, I done said I can't grab nothin' while I'm chargin' no more, ain't I said it? You want the whole damn arena to shatter?" Stetson was going off at the handle, eyes shut tight, tugging at the brim of his hat. ~~The tow-headed boy~~ Tari approached, clapping Stetson on the back.

"C'mon, Mil, it was only a tiny push. Marón's got us covered, right man?" He quipped, snickering loudly as he did. His dancing lights had faded along with ~~Stetson's~~ Mil's electricity, and he seemed at home in a way that made Taako uneasy.

"Uh, hey, don't shoot," Taako made himself known. Tari and Marón turned, surprised. Before he could explain himself further, Taako felt a crushing weight upon him that made it difficult to stand. He fell to one knee but didn't budge further. Mil swatted Marón's shoulder, hissing, "He was here the whole time, ya idjit, I done saw 'im. Let off."

Maron glanced back and forth between Mil and Taako for a moment before sighing quietly, and the weight left Taako. A pause arose in which nobody moved. Other Qualifiers began to get their bearings in their new, weightless states. Not long, now.

"Listen, compadres --"

"DUCK!" Mil suddenly shouted, cutting Taako off mid-sentence but he still turned too late and found himself staring down the business end of a mace. One of The Twins.

_"FIGHT!"_

Tari and Taako reacted at the same time, a Fire Bolt and a bright orb of light both hitting The Twin at once. Taako was floored by the force of what was effectively a flash bomb. The would-be attacker was flung back, tumbling through empty space until they crashed into their other half. Marón's sphere of influence lessened, and Taako felt his body lift ever so slightly in the absence of gravity. The Twins managed to grapple with each other to stabilize themselves, much more rapidly than expected. The one with the mace was scorched, hair singed and smoking.

"Mar!" Mil was tugging on Marón's arm, "Mar, just ground them!"

Marón looked from Taako to the Twins to Mil, then rolled his eyes. "Hey, elf! Jump!"

The Twins were a reflection split down the middle, lined up by the soles of their sneakers, free hands interlocked. The mace-wielder kicked off of his other half's shoes, pushing him back and shooting right for Taako.

Taako, Mil, and Tari jumped. Maron didn't. Another shockwave resounded but didn't affect the three boys. This time, it emanated from between the Twins, and they rocketed towards the floor with alarming speed.

"Meta! Mutant!" They shrieked in unison, struggling to get so much as a knee up under themselves. Their hair and clothes hung pencil-straight and pointed downwards, almost as if being pulled towards the floor. Their weapons wouldn't budge.

Taako twisted to face the trio of boys behind him, two of whom had just proven dangerously adept in combat. Tari beamed, taking front and center to address Taako with an outstretched hand.

"Guess we're stickin' together. Welcome to Cosmobound. Defenders of Midgrellian and the most powerful group of energy manipulators this side of the galaxy."

Taako grabbed and Tari pulled, turning the trio into a quartet as Taako took position next to Mil. Marón huffed.

"Pleasure's all yours." Taako replied smoothly, readying his makeshift wand, "Taako. Most bangin' wizard in the whole planar realm."

"Prove it, elf." Marón spat back with what Taako hoped he was only mistaking for malice, "We've got company."

The next few minutes flashed by as the four of them fired off spell after attack after spell.  Marón, it seemed, could manipulate gravity -- indispensable in this arena. At one point, the chamber was re-pressurized, and only those who could fly or cast a spell in time were able to avoid a near-fatal plummet to the turf below. Taako watched in awe as Mil disintegrated weapons and people with a mere touch of his sparking palms. Tari's bright lights proved deadly in a game where life or death were a mere misstep away. Taako initially held back, unsure and feeling outmatched, but he quickly realized his repertoire of spells allowed him an advantage when defending against magical folk, whose spells he parried with relative ease.

A powerhouse of a group until Tari claimed he wanted to go 'full speed'. Tari and Marón exchanged a nod, and Tari was suddenly gone. Marón let out a shout as he blasted his gravitational field as far as he could extend it. This time, everyone on the arena struggled, yelling, as they found themselves anchored to the floor. One by one, they began to glow, shrieking and yelling in panic.

Taako hesitated, distracted, and failed to block a spell slung at Marón from behind. The boy stumbled back, the field dissipated, and Tari returned -- but not all of him. Pieces of him shimmered in and out of sight and he gasped.

" Goddamnit, what the he --" He blinked out of view again.

Taako cast Leomund's Tiny Hut and Mil lifted the brim of his hat for the first time, startled. His eyes were milky white, film over a hint of what might have been green.

"Hey. Hey! HEY!" Taako desperately waved a hand in front of Marón's face. The boy was dazed, but conscious. "What happened to Tari!!?"

Marón shoved Taako off of him with a groan, but continued laying flat on his back.

"Gone," Marón snapped, "but not for long. He'll pull himself together in a minute." He seemed to be thinking hard as he pulled himself into a kneeling position.

Mil took off his stetson entirely, reaching out with a crackling palm for the barrier of the spell. He couldn't pass through, couldn't break down the barrier. Interesting. Before Taako could tell him to stop, a shockwave came from beneath his own feet. He was flattened completely, struggling to heave as much as a single breath of air into suddenly inoperable lungs. Marón stood shakily, clutching his temple.

"Still. It'll be long enough to get rid of you, diablo."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUUUUUNNNN cliffhanger!! Sorry this took so long, I got real caught up in editing this chapter.
> 
> Also, you can find more about Cosmobound on their aesthetic/ask blog @ https://cosmic-dream-team.tumblr.com


	3. Intermission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following Maron's betrayal, Taako struggles to piece himself back together. Can he do it alone, or will he need backup? And what of the conversation he left behind?

Taako gasped for air, wheezing through gritted teeth. If he could just get his arm, move his wand, but the weight of the world was quite literally upon his shoulders. He drew deep, shuddering, painful breaths as the pressure imbalance necessary for respiration was replaced by a semi-vacuum. Every molecule of oxygen had to be sucked in by force, pushed out with effort, and Taako already felt a creeping dizziness in his skull that threw his vision out of focus.

Mil was pretending not to notice Taako's distress, running his hands along the protective barrier the wizard had cast. As he did, the barrier would turn visible, wobble, then disappear again, but it never broke down. The guy was enraptured.

Marón got down on one knee so that he was nose to nose with the incapacitated Taako. He gave off an ethereal sense of excitement, an old and familiar aura oozing danger.

 

" ✨°~Bad Luck~°✨ "

 

Marón's Spanish accent dropped, replaced by an old English diction. If Taako had breath to spare, it would have hitched. No sooner did he recognize the lich possessing Marón's body than Tari's shimmering form began to condense between them. Mil's hands stopped crackling, reaching into his shirt and pulling out the Animus Bell on a string.

"Hey," Taako regretted even that syllable, losing precious air, "two against one, really? Let me up and we can all fight mano a mano."

Edward, through Marón's skin, seemed to scrunch up his nose in thought. Lydia, with Mil's voice, tittered behind the back of his hand, eyes narrowed and brows raised.

"We have a better idea!" Lydia crooned patronizingly, shooting her partner a glance. Marón's face twisted to fit Edward's gruesome smile. Then, they both blinked and pivoted to beam down upon Taako in sync.

"Choke!"

For Taako, time jerked to a near-stop.

He saw Tari fully reform with a look of shock and anger already spreading across his features. He saw Mil's palms crackle as Lydia pounced at Tari from behind. And then Taako became aware of a deep, painful pop as his lungs collapsed -- along with the rest of his body -- under a gravity pulse comparable to that of an imploding star.

For a moment, he loses sight of Tari, scattered before his eyes. For just a moment, there is a flash and everything is too bright.

____________________

Taako's nose is crumpled, smashed into the floor. He groans or makes a noise that could be mistaken for a groan as he drags himself to his knees. The very motion makes him dizzy and he gags but nothing comes up. The sides of his face are caked in something sticky and clear, the whole of his mouth and chin are caked with dried blood. It takes a moment, a substantial effort, to crack open his lips, to flex his fingers.

A deep, low beating is coming, vibrating in Taako's skull. He can't see...everything is shaky...but it looks darker than a moment ago. He wobbles as he attempts to stand, falls over onto another poor soul who opens their mouth wide but doesn't make a sound. Their teeth are coated in red, match the hole in their chest. Taako shakes his head, sharp and quick, but his vision doesn't clear, fading in and out of focus at random.

He crawls slowly over the person beneath him, knees sinking through their ribcage, their mouth still open and red and empty.

The banging is still going strong. What **is** that?

His vision sharpens, dulls, tilts violently as he clambers to his feet, lurching unsteadily forward into the yawning darkness. There is nothing. Black turf at his feet, black abyss everywhere else. A void stretching forever in all directions, littered with the mutilated and broken bodies of fallen Qualifiers He shouts out, hello? Hell...o? But nothing echoes back. He tries again. Still nothing. There is no noise at all, not even a whisper of breath passing his lips.

The pounding reaches fever pitch, forming a steady and incessant pulse in his feet and his head.

_What happened!? What is this?!_

Taako spun about blindly and came face-to-face with a fissure - a crack in the air.

Kravitz was here. The reaper looked frightened, hands purple and swollen. Taako saw his mouth moving, warped and twisted by fractals, and he realized that there was some sort of barrier between him and Kravitz. Said barrier was perfectly clear and beveled in odd places, creating a crystalline effect. Taako reached out, pressing his palm against the cool surface. It gives, ever so slightly. The banging stops, had already stopped as soon as Kravitz lowered his hands.

Taako pushes more aggressively but the barrier does not give any further. He is pushing for Kravitz, flush with the barrier. Taako can't help but think of how stupid he'd been, planning out that final conversation

_I think it's best we call it quits, yeah? You've got your whole Grim Reaper thing going on and I've got...my school....like, schedules are gonna be fucked once that starts? Bullshit, he wouldn't buy that..._

Taako wishes more than anything that he could reach through, take Kravitz' hand in his own. He imagines it, the lack of warmth and the pressure of a tight clasp. Everything would be all right. He feels the static creeping in, feels his train of thought scatter again and he can't keep his composure.

_No one would have me. Get out while I can. While it won't hurt._

He is crying again, pressing his face into the barrier. It gives, just a fraction, it gives and Taako gives, too.

_Help me_

Kravitz squints through the distortion, Taako raises a free hand to tap against the crystal.

_Help me please help_

And suddenly, he is throwing himself against this wall with everything he's got, beating with both fists, desperate and alone, _help me help me help me get me out of here please please get me out send someone help me help me help_

Kravitz turns away, frowning, practically running out of view. Taako panics, bursting into hysterics, _wait don't go don't go kravitz where are you don't leave me here alone I'm dead goddamn it I'm dead you can't leave me here you can't go, hey, hey!!_

Kravitz does not return. Taako calls out to an empty, soundless room.

Something tips.

He levels a single punch at the barrier before  him. Crack go his fingers. Snap goes his mind. He cannot move his hand anymore but that doesn't matter, now. The barrier bent but didn't break. He sinks slowly back to his knees, face turned up towards a nonexistent sky.

_This is it._

The tears are still fresh in his eyes, his broken fist throbs gently. He knows it's stupid, he knows it's selfish but he really really wishes Lup were here, too. They'd be in hell but he wouldn't be alone.

There is a shape in the glass.

Taako realizes too late when it crashes into the barrier, which buckles inwards.

Taako swears, peels himself off the floor and backpedals, arms crossed over his face.

Between the x over his eyes, he has a perfect momentary shot of a large, distorted shape hitting the barrier again, hard enough to send tremors through the space.

 _Sure, just come the fuck on in,_ he quips mentally, force of habit, force enough to shatter the barrier. The damage is superficial, cuts on his arms and that's all. It doesn't matter anyways because Taako is gaping at the behemoth who has just burst through the fissure -- now sealing shut behind him -- to land at his feet.

The folk hero turned adventurer stands and dusts himself off, shards of glass falling but disappear before they hit the floor.

"Hail and well met, old friend." Magnus beams, towering over Taako who has, at this point, decided he's done with today.

Magnus' smile is somehow warmer than Taako remembers, too warm and it burns. He knows they're only dreams, that Magnus can't possibly know how often he has played a starring role, but he feels guilty nonetheless. So, with that arrogant facade he calls a personality, he begins yet another performative greeting.

"You ever heard of this great thing? It's called called knocking!" Taako laughs, too loud, too long, so that it takes Magnus a moment to chuckle along awkwardly and place a heavy hand on his old pal's shoulder.

"Good to see you, too, I think" Magnus jerks a thumb towards the place where the fissure used to be, "Kravitz said you needed me?"

That got Taako laughing anew.

"Of course he did, well, he should've sent the whole damn cavalry! We're toast!" he wheezes, doubling over, unable to drag in air.

Magnus' smile drops, replaced with a worried brow.

"Hey, uh, buddy, you ok?"

Taako shakes his head, shakes in his legs and arms, he is out of tears, he is out of his mind. He chokes on his own laughter, toppling to lean against Magnus who catches him by the waist.

Except this time, the nausea doesn't leave him. He is retching, wheezing, and laughing in relief and fear and disbelief. Magnus is asking him over and over, shaking him by both his shoulders, are you okay, taako, taako look at me, taako, hey, hey!

____________________

Taako jolts awake, sitting up from his place on the turf, one hand clutched to his chest. His heartbeat pounds in his ears, blood rushing low beneath the pulse. The ground around him is littered with bodies, inert. The arena is quiet, there are no Qualifiers battling in the area.

"What the fuck" he whispers. The back of his neck prickles as he realizes he can't hear himself.

"Hello? Hello!" He feels his mouth move, but no noise escapes. He places a hand against his right ear and his fingers come away bloody. His stomach drops.

Taako quickly surmised that the dream --if it could be called a dream -- must've started with the flash of light when Edward had crushed him. He had been dead a long while, by the looks of things. He was dead. That's what being dead was like.

Taako righted himself, trying not to let it show how shaken he was. Not that there was anyone to see. The arena was dark. The arena was still. There was a brightly lit sign suspended in midair, some several hundred feet above him, such that Taako had to crane his neck and still couldn't surmise its purpose.

"It's a countdown."

Taako jumped, whirling, wand at the ready. Magnus meets his panicked eyes with a somber gaze. Nobody moves, neither breathes, the moment hanging, stretching for too long. Taako's eyes burn. He blinks. Magnus does not disappear.

"Seven hours, forty-two minutes, and dropping. It's gotta be a timer. What for, I'm not sure. You've been here longer than I have."

Taako drags an arm across his nose, swollen and crusted with dry blood. He doesn't speak, doesn't drop his stance.

"Why you?" He asks, voice cracking. His throat is dry and scrapes against itself.

"Who else?" Magnus replies. He seems...tired.

Taako flicks his bangs back out of his eyes, realizes he is damp and sticky and sore and absolutely acting like a neurotic child.

Nightmares, really, if that's the only reason...

Magnus relaxes considerably once Taako drops his wand-wielding arm.

There is a long, unnecessary silence. Years of broken contact will create that for even the closest friends.

"They said....someone said we would fight. There were 200, and, well, you can see what the fuck happened." Taako finally breaks it, waving a hand at the bodies strewn across the field. Magnus' face betrayed pain.

"No wonder he was so upset." He muses, shaking his head. Seeing that Taako didn't quite understand, he continued, "Kravitz, I mean. He couldn't get through. There's a litany of lost souls stuck in Limbo. He's been a real wreck all day. And, well, when he saw you in there...." Magnus trailed off. Taako felt his ears turn red, crossing his arms and feeling smaller than he had in a long time. Defensive. More silence. Taako stares daggers into the turf, determined not to let Magnus see his face -- a pitiful mix of regret and anxiety.

"Look, Taako, I'm just as lost as you are. Your boyfriend didn't exactly give me a 50-slide presentation before he sent me out." An edge has crept into Magnus' voice, frustrated by Taako's lack of response, his resistance to just talk, catch him up, to let him help him help himself. Taako winces. _Not my boyfriend_.

"He just told me you needed help. And, well, he wasn't wrong."

Taako realizes that, despite the large space, their voices don't echo. Everything is sharp as if they were in a small booth alone. He gets an idea.

Taako approaches Magnus, hesitant and reserved. Magnus does not move, just exhales with a quiet steadiness and peace Taako envied. His hand passes through Magnus's chest. Magnus does not break eye contact. Taako is the one who looks up to the stars, withdrawing his hand.

"You're a....ghost?" He asks, quietly.

"Pretty much."

"So....I'm back in my old body."

"Yeah."

Explains the blood, the aching stiffness.

"Do you know anything? What did he say?"

"That if I let you die again, The Hunger was gonna seem like The Mild Craving."

As he snickered quietly at Magnus' awful joke, the full impact of everything that had happened that day hit Taako like a train. He wavered and very nearly dropped to his knees again. This was too much. Everything was too much. His laugh turned low, unnatural and shaky. The stars beyond the dome were cold, twinkling faintly.

"Hey, buddy?"

Taako did not respond, repeating his and Lup's childhood mantra silently to himself. Nothing and no one. Nothing and no one. Nothing to hear, no one to see you cry. Nothing to fear, no one alive. Nothing and no one. Nothing and no one. Magnus stepped forward so he was toe to toe with the trembling elf.

"Taako."

Taako shook his head, tugging at the loose hair behind his ears.

"Taako, you're still alive. That's better than a lot of people can say right now, including me. You've gotta keep it together, man. We can figure this out, I know it. But I need you to work with me, here."

Taako turned away, overwhelmed, but for all his broken psyche, one idea did click into place.

"Uh, hey, I appreciate it and all but I'm -- I'm good out here." Taako crouched down, motioning for Magnus to do the same before remembering he couldn't be harmed or even seen. The gears in his mind were turning, creaking to life again. That purple field separating the arena from the audience seating had vanished. The audience had vanished along with it, and the field only remained around the metal walls of the outer edge of the arena. Taako made a brief tally of the bodies he could see.

"There's 200 people, right?" He began dictating his thoughts to Magnus aloud, "and 73 of them are here on the floor. Where'd everyone else go?"

Magnus shrugged, about to say something but Taako cut him off.

"When they took me, I was in a room. That room was in the wall. I'm willing to bet," He pointed at the outer edge, "they're all locked up right now."

A beat, and then Magnus nodded.

"Okay, and?" He prompted.

"I bet," Taako felt the stiffness leave him slowly, bit by bit as he began stretching his legs, his arms, his back, "that countdown is how long they're letting everyone sleep."

Magnus glanced up, around, and then back at Taako. He grinned.

"Of course." He was impressed but not surprised. He knew Taako was smarter than he let on.

"I bet, if we follow those guys" he pointed across the arena, "we'll find our way out."

Magnus hesitated, but he didn't need to ask. Across the arena, five figures had managed to silently shoot a grappling hook up, over the railing of the nearest audience section, and were now scaling the rope attached. Magnus frowned.

"How do you know they'll make it?"

"Just a hunch." Taako replied coyly, having recognized the egregiously mismatched patterns of a certain outfit on one of the members. Even at this distance, without the colors, they stuck out against the wall.

Bev.

~~_"No offense, but this isn't my first orbit 'round the system..."_ ~~

Taako was determined to find out exactly what they'd meant. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With the introduction of an old friend and a new suspect, Taako's got his work cut out for him if he wants to make it out of the arena alive. But who is Bev? Can the group be trusted? What awaits our Qualifiers beyond the safety of the stadium?
> 
> find out in next week's installment: Night Shift 
> 
> (sorry for the late update, university's been hell to deal with lately. Officially, updates are moved to MONDAY. I'll try to hold myself to that schedule, really. Hope y'all enjoyed and I hope these outro notes weren't too Extra)


	4. Night Shift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A motley crew is formed

Taako slid down the wall just inside the door of the VIP lounge, one hand over his mouth to stifle a groan. Dying wreaked Hell on your physical body, apparently. He understood why zombies were always making such a sorry racket in movies, now.  
"Jeezus, they're all just kids." Magnus breathed, bridging the gap between Taako and the huddled group with a single stride.  
Taako realized he hadn't bothered to take a look at the group in detail. Not since following their shadows to this lounge, high above what were likely just General Admission bleachers.  
As Magnus walked around and through them, Taako took a mental head count  
Two kids, no older than ten, sat on either side of Bev. The girl had blue hair, the boy had silver. A preteen sat next to the Silver. He was cleaning what Taako recognized as 'that gun pirates use' though he couldn't recall the name. Unfortunately, the boy seemed to have NO shot on hand and there was no none in the barrel, either. A young woman with only nine fingers sat between Pirate Gun and another teenager with pure white hair and a regal presence. The skirt should have hindered her in a battle but the blood staining the garment and her face spoke to the contrary. Next to Snow White, a young man sported a leather jacket, a buzzcut, and a large tattoo, rounding out the circle as he sat next to blue-haired girl.  
This last boy was currently shaking his fist in Bev's direction.  
"Magnus." Taako croaked, forcing himself to stand upright. Magnus wasn't listening, or pretended not to hear, riveted by the confrontation playing out only a few feet away. Taako attempted a lazy, half-hearted wave to get his attention.  
"Magnus!" He hissed and immediately shut his mouth, seeing the group. They all went stock-still in an instant, even the brewing confrontation was halted. The girl with nine fingers peered warily into the darkness where Taako stood. Just his fucking luck. Maybe if he held his breath, they wouldn't find him.  
Bev began speaking, waving grandly in his direction and motioning at the circle, and Magnus seemed to stumble along with his words, delivering a halted version of what was likely a fluid sentence. It dawned on Taako that this would never work out in combat.  
"Oh that's fine....it's....just my partner? Elf mag--no, Taako, she's saying Taako now...c'mon? Out? Wait, do you know this one?"  
Taako ignored Magnus' question for now, dropping the concentration needed for Invisibility. Don't think about how fucked you look and take a bow for effect.  
"Hey there, uh, y'all...hey, don't worry -- this stuff's all mine." He chuckled lightly, hoping that his introduction wouldn't be hindered by the blood coating his clothes. Speaking without being able to hear yourself felt weird. Bev began speaking but Magnus didn't try to dictate immediately. When he spoke, there was a huge improvement.  
"Bev is saying that you're a powerful ally. You're a wizard, though your abilities depend on how much rest and sleep you can achieve between castings. She wants the rest of the group to say their abilities, too. Oh, haha, and Leather Jacket seems pretty irritated about that."  
Taako smirked dryly. Something told him they might not get along well.  
As Magnus moved to stand behind each member of the circle, he dictated to Taako an abridged version of the kid's monologue.  
"He's Peter," Magnus pointed to the silver-haired little boy, "and he can run really fast."  
Taako tried not to roll his eyes.  
"This is Gulch. He calls that gun a B-Beamer. Take his word on being a good shot. No demonstrations now, he needs time to rest."  
No good without bullets anyway, Taako thought bitterly.  
"Elizabeth, here," Magnus' face twisted from dull concentration to glee, "can get us out!"  
Taako lasered in on the young woman with nine fingers, sizing her up. What did she have that Kravitz didn't...?  
"This one's Weiss. She's pretty handy with that sword but she's running out of dust. She needs...for her sword...?"  
The white-haired girl crumbled mid-sentence, covering her face with her hands. Magnus shifted uncomfortably, unable to comfort her. Taako made no move to act in his friend's place.  
"Well then. Uh, Ronan--" Magnus made a face, " -- needs to watch his fucking language. He ain't tipping his hand."  
Leather Jacket crossed his arms and practically snarled at Bev as he spoke. Elizabeth laid a hand on Weiss' shoulder.  
"This, uh, this one still hasn't stopped....asking if she....if she can go home, yet. She can't feel anything." Magnus seemed genuinely pained when referring to the blue-haired child, whose mouth gaped wide at odd intervals. It took Taako a moment to realize she must be crying. Bev remained pensive, hands folded in a steeple over their mouth. They seemed not to hear the cries of the blue-haired child.  
Several moment passed in tense silence before Magnus turned sharply to face Bev. They must be talking behind their hands. Magnus' face betrayed horror.  
"Bevel says welcome to Murder Club."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If any of y'all enjoyed the opening bloodbath, get ready for that and way way more now that these kids are forming a gang!!!!! See if you can guess who's who, dunno how obvious it is from Taako's perspective. It'll become clearer as they begin to slice thru the competition hahaha
> 
> next chapter: murder club


End file.
